oh, heyyyy.

now that you're both officially on the other side of the mississippi and therefore both officially jerks, i thought we should get serious about the bazungas and fandolas.

thoughts? i don't care to hear them, unless they're funny and in accordance with my views.

opinions? yes, write them, in detail, and then blog the everlovingfuck out of them.

questions? you shouldn't have any. unless they relate to misanthropic inquiries about the ineptitude of most humans to interact at all normally.

lets get on it, sluts.

oh yeah!

revisiting birthright weekend just gave me an insatiable hunger for black woman boobs in sarah's face.

a calorie-free delight, if one ever existed.

<3 you little muffins.

more to come.


paddy.

BLOG

hi.
i remember. i remember hard.

Memories.

Hey.

Remember our blog?

That was fun.

Carl Ripken, Jr.

Modesta and I were going to go see Spiderman 3 last night, but she was a half hour late getting to the theater (and when I realized I was going to be a half hour late, you know what I did? I paid thirteen bucks for a cab.) and so we couldn't see it.

So we went to Barnes and Noble and bought two high school football movies (Varsity Blues, Friday Night Lights) and took them back to my place. We watched Varsity Blues. It was pretty fucking amazing.

I'm bored. I miss you guys.
















I don't want your life. hehehehehe.

Don't have a cow, you drunk whore

FINE I WILL UPDATE.

I am at work, all by myself in the back room. The only noticeable thing is the stench of my jeans because I haven't washed them in over a month. I have cleanliness issues.

That I haven't changed my underwear in a week is probably also contributing to the problem. At least no one else is here to smell me right now.

I cannot wait for next year because I can't even think anymore. I don't want to do homework and every waking second that I hear Marcus' voice is a second that I consider murder/suicide. Seriously. Rachel, you could come back and suck and I would still love you because it is so horrible without you. Don't suck, but do come back.

Birthright: Weekend seems so long ago now that we are aged adults. Basically, the lesbian bar was awesome and the highlight of our long, long lives. It wasn't particularly different than most other weekends, except that I was more self-centered and less likely to pay for anything than usual. It didn't turn me into a lesbian or anything, which I guess it was supposed to. No thanks, my friends. I like cock in my face all day long.

Especially if the cock belongs to... I can't say it on such a public intronett forum. But it was some damn fine cock.

Patrick is currently claiming that he doesn't poop, but Patrick knows that he poops more than everyone else combined. Except maybe Marcus. He is made of poop. And all of the Nair he uses for his backhair. Nasty dickwad.

Rachel, have you watched the episode of Degrassi centering on the city of Poort Hoope? That Wheels' dad has a two week gig at? You will like it. It is all we talk about. Port Hope is only about 9 hours from Chicago, so a road trip will be in order where we stay at the same hotel and eat a slice of pizza pie. I love Port Hope almost as much as I like Pat's strong thighs.

I got drunk last week and apparently ordered a vibrator. It came in the mail this week. We've named him Claude (pronounced like chode - you'll see from Degrassi) and he is very great. It makes me very happy. I used it three times in one day until I had real sex the next day and got too tired to give Claude some loving. Someday soon. Maybe today if Pat will not make fun of me about it.

For my movie, I've decided to email celebrities and see if they'll come be in it. I figure if I email them now it will be enough notice before October for them to schedule it in. Can you imagine? Kickin' it on set with the likes of Richard Gere and perhaps Anthony Hopkins or even Hilario Dawson herself? I'd settle for Bow Wow. He'd be aiight.

I can't tell if this professor is German, retarded, or both. He's using this can't-be-real accent to talk about stupid things to these stupid grad students. I think he thinks he sounds intellectual, but he just sounds dumb.

Do you think you'll eat turkey in Turkey? Imagine the postmodernism of THAT conundrum. It'd be like drinking grease in Greece or opening a can in Canada.

I'm sleepy and tired of schooling and I want to get out of here right now but there's still a whole hour! Fuck.

And A-hern made me buy six packs of cigarettes on Thursday. There is only one pack left. It is Saturday. I need to stop giving out packs.

Math is not my thing.

So, I just failed at doing fairly easy math for an article. Failed hardcore. Real hardcore.
Cute Reporter had to do it for me. And then explain to me why he'd subtracted two numbers. That hardcore.

Also, I'm a little upset with you guys (as I am myself, what with the inability to add or subtract, let alone divide to calculate simple percentages), because you haven't been blogging. At all. Don't you think I miss you? Don't you think I want to hear about BirthWeek already?

Stop being so insensitive. Entertain me. Jeeeeeeeez.


Ooooooh, Pat just texted me! Good job, Pat. I am entertained.