i'm sleepy. you're bored. lets blog.

hello there.

i am blogging. for the first time

since becoming a real boy.

and by that i mean since the time sarah and i did it.

which actually made me a real STD patient, not a real boy. but hey, in this world of tough breaks you take what you can get.

and sometimes what you get, well, its the clap.

lets hear a round of applause for that.

so anyway. you alls've been blogging for a while and i had to spend 15 minutes reading it this morning. lucky for you most of it was entertaining. most of it. most. of. it.

i had an idea the other day. a great idea. the kind of idea that rivals inventors like mr. ole kirk christiansen. who? the inventor of LEGOs. yes. LEGOs, those evil little choking hazards that have a sadistic love of getting stepped on just to watch you scream.

what an invention. cause all that sadism aside, they're also super fun- if you have remedial geometric skills and any imagination (of which i have neither).

so back to my idea- its a cure for schizophrenia; you know, that uncle-plaguing psychological disease that spoils all the family parties and most rides on public transportation. i don't know why we didn't see it before, but i've found a way for us to ease all the discomfort we experience when we see these not-so-family friendly crazies yelling at themselves about the latest episode of house they happened to catch on the shelter-tube (not an actual word, but should be). BLUE TOOTH HEAD SETS. yes, you read correctly. we strap an earpiece to these suckers and suddenly they're not angrily, distractingly and somewhat disconcertingly shouting at themselves or their reflections about a lack of money and an illegitimate fear of kangaroos, no, they're conducting important zoological business with admirable dedication and an iron fist; they're not inappropriately touching themselves while staring intently with the devils eyes at some poor teenage girl, they're gazing nonchalantly right past everyone and enjoying a tender moment in public with a long-distance lover; they're not shouting hate-speech and racial slurs at strangers and fellow bums, no, not at all, they're generously giving life advice and lessons on tolerance to a panel of distance learners at a renown university.

yep. i'd say i've solved it.

don't worry nobel committee, you can keep your precious prize. i'm not in it for the recognition. i'm in it for the beer and the bitches. and i've got enough of both.



(this blog does not necessarily reflect the views of sarah, rachel, or pat, and admits to being unacceptably ignorant of the true symptoms of the very serious psychological disease).

okay. bye. see ya.